I’ve been meaning to sit down and write this post for over 2 weeks now, but somehow I could never quite piece my thoughts together. I just wanted to put out a post to explain why I haven’t been as active on my blog, not that it’s a big deal or anything, but I usually try and blog 3-4 times a week, while recently I haven’t written an actual post in over a month (my last post, 2 weeks ago was scheduled way before, as most of my posts usually are). Recently I just haven’t been able to find inspiration, motivation or well anything, and I just wanted to explain to my readers who come back to my blog and keep find nothing new to read on it.
I suffer with really bad anxiety and I have since 2012. I’ve had it for long enough now that I usually know how to manage it without medication (I chose to go off medication last year), and I know how to handle my anxiety attacks and what to do when they occur. But recently my anxiety has spiraled out of control to the point where it has been preventing me from doing normal day-to-day things such as driving, sleeping and generally living my life. I haven’t been able to sleep without medication, which I don’t like taking at all unless I have a test or a meeting the next day, so most nights I lay awake until 2-3 am before my mind decides to finally let me go to sleep and then I usually have to be up early, which of course leaves me exhausted and cranky. I have been getting panic attacks before getting behind the wheel (which is almost every day for me), and my usually loud and sometimes overbearing personality, has been toned down because I feel anxious ALL THE TIME. Urg, it really is a horrible feeling but I am trying to work on it and manage it better.
The source of my anxiety lately, which might sound silly to some people (and in the greater aspect of things it probably is), is that I am turning 25 next month and I feel like I am experiencing a bit of a quarter-life crisis. We are our own worst enemy, and I guess my life is not what I imagined it would be by now. Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing life that I am super grateful for, and the only person I am upset with is myself. I feel like for a 25 year-old I haven’t done enough- I haven’t studied enough, I haven’t travelled enough, I haven’t “lived enough”. Should I have studied a little harder and missed those party nights? Should I have saved to see Europe rather than buy that expensive pair of shoes? Should I have been more disciplined and then maybe I would be further in my career than I am right now? Blogging has also been a contributing factor to my ongoing struggle lately, and it is not at all because I am not happy with how far it has come. No, it makes me immensely happy that I am fortunate enough to have amazing readers, work with awesome brands and make a living out of my blog. It is again the fact that I am not happy with it myself and I am trying to improve my writing, my photos and my overall look.
I am generally a very positive person, and I don’t like dwelling on things that get me down for too long. I just need a little time for myself to process everything that is going on, learn to manage my anxiety a little bit better and just take a deep breath and relax. Steve always blames me for doing too much, while I feel that I am not doing enough with my life. I will be back next week as I have signed on to do a couple of collaborations and I hope you come back to my blog after my little blogging break.
After all, I am only 25 and still have so much in my life to look forward to 🙂
P.S The the blog will be undergoing a little face-lift soon to help bring a smile back to my face.
All my love