Taking A Little Break…

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I’ve been meaning to sit down and write this post for over 2 weeks now, but somehow I could never quite piece my thoughts together. I just wanted to put out a post to explain why I haven’t been as active on my blog, not that it’s a big deal or anything, but I usually try and blog 3-4 times a week, while recently I haven’t written an actual post in over a month (my last post, 2 weeks ago was scheduled way before, as most of my posts usually are). Recently I just haven’t been able to find inspiration, motivation or well anything, and I just wanted to explain to my readers who come back to my blog and keep find nothing new to read on it.

I suffer with really bad anxiety and I have since 2012. I’ve had it for long enough now that I usually know how to manage it without medication (I chose to go off medication last year), and I know how to handle my anxiety attacks and what to do when they occur. But recently my anxiety has spiraled out of control to the point where it has been preventing me from doing normal day-to-day things such as driving, sleeping and generally living my life. I haven’t been able to sleep without medication, which I don’t like taking at all unless I have a test or a meeting the next day, so most nights I lay awake until 2-3 am before my mind decides to finally let me go to sleep and then I usually have to be up early, which of course leaves me exhausted and cranky. I have been getting panic attacks before getting behind the wheel (which is almost every day for me), and my usually loud and sometimes overbearing personality, has been toned down because I feel anxious ALL THE TIME. Urg, it really is a horrible feeling but I am trying to work on it and manage it better.

The source of my anxiety lately, which might sound silly to some people (and in the greater aspect of things it probably is), is that I am turning 25 next month and I feel like I am experiencing a bit of a quarter-life crisis. We are our own worst enemy, and I guess my life is not what I imagined it would be by now. Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing life that I am super grateful for, and the only person I am upset with is myself. I feel like for a 25 year-old I haven’t done enough- I haven’t studied enough, I haven’t travelled enough, I haven’t “lived enough”. Should I have studied a little harder and missed those party nights? Should I have saved to see Europe rather than buy that expensive pair of shoes? Should I have been more disciplined and then maybe I would be further in my career than I am right now? Blogging has also been a contributing factor to my ongoing struggle lately, and it is not at all because I am not happy with how far it has come. No, it makes me immensely happy that I am fortunate enough to have amazing readers, work with awesome brands and make a living out of my blog. It is again the fact that I am not happy with it myself and I am trying to improve my writing, my photos and my overall look.

I am generally a very positive person, and I don’t like dwelling on things that get me down for too long. I just need a little time for myself to process everything that is going on, learn to manage my anxiety a little bit better and just take a deep breath and relax. Steve always blames me for doing too much, while I feel that I am not doing enough with my life. I will be back next week as I have signed on to do a couple of collaborations and I hope you come back to my blog after my little blogging break.

After all, I am only 25 and still have so much in my life to look forward to 🙂

P.S The the blog will be undergoing a little face-lift soon to help bring a smile back to my face.

All my love

Irina

20 Comments

  • Reply Tammy August 27, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    Love ya gorgeous lady. I cannot wait for your return and for the blog face-lift.

    I experienced the same when I turned 25 and the feeling of inadequacy as far as the progression in your personal life, financial life and work life goes but affirmations about how great it is and how far you’ve come will be the thing that more often than not puts a smile on your face.

    Your blog is such an inspiration to me. Your gorgeous smile, adorable dimples and piercing eyes make you a lasting memory in my mind. You pouring yourself out into a post just gives me the feels. I wish you nothing but the best during your time away from the blog and know that I’ll be clapping hands loud enough for the interwebs to hear once you have the big reveal!

    Much love,
    T xoxo

    • Reply Irina August 30, 2015 at 9:51 pm

      Tammy your words brought such a smile to my face!:) you have no idea how much they mean to me. Thank you for being so sweet and supportive!:) xxx

  • Reply Carina August 27, 2015 at 12:09 pm

    I completely understand the I’m-turning-25 panic attack and feeling like you’re not doing enough with your life. I just stopped comparing my life to others since we all have a path and not everyone can be on the same one. I hope you feel better soon! 🙂

    • Reply Irina August 30, 2015 at 9:53 pm

      I’m so glad I’m not the only one who went through this, it really helps hearing that other people experience the 25-year old craze too!:) To be honest I’m looking forward to now just turning 25 and going from there. I hope it does get better :)xxx

  • Reply Tina Pieterse August 27, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    Going to miss your posts but Ill get over it!! 🙂 Cant wait for the blog facelift and for you to be back!

    • Reply Irina August 30, 2015 at 9:54 pm

      Thanks so much for your constant support Tina!:) it’s because of awesome readers like you that I do this!:)

  • Reply Rushda August 27, 2015 at 12:17 pm

    Hang in there gorgeous, and I feel you… I also take on so much and do so much… Struggled with sleep, and so forth and a wise woman told me, be gentle with yourself. It was the best advice anyone could give me. As you say we are own worst enemies, expecting to live up to our own impossible standards and expectations.
    Take your break, take as long as you need… After all you need to fix you before you worry about anything else.

    I’ll be thinking of you, and hope the pressures and anxieties start to diminish.

    Be. Gentle. With. Yourself.
    Love and light
    Rushda xx
    http://www.rubescloset.com

    • Reply Irina August 30, 2015 at 9:56 pm

      Thank you for the wise words! It’s so very true, we forget to be gentle with ourselves and we forget that we are doing the best we can. Xxxx

  • Reply Andisiwe Manzi August 27, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    Do what you need to do mama, Will keep you in my thoughts. I don’t know you personally but your blog makes me feel like I do. I wish you all the best and please don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing amazing things for someone your age. xxx

    • Reply Irina August 30, 2015 at 9:58 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words. It brings inspiration back for me and it really does help me get back on track with my blogging. Hearing that you feel like you know me from my blog is the biggest praise I could ask for, because I pour so much of myself into this little space! Xxx

  • Reply Lipgloss Kisses Blog (@LipglossKiss) August 27, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    Aaah my Rina-pie. 🙂 I totally feel you on the anxiety front. It sucks. Full stop. Nothing can be said to make you overcome that. Unfortunately it’s something we have to do ourselves. All that I can say, and that I hope will make you feel a bit better is that when I was 25 I felt exactly the same way. The only difference is that I had reason to feel like that. You have achieved a helluva lot for 25.You should be damn proud of where you are and the brains and solid head you have on your shoulders. You’re on a path with your career, your personal life as well as your blog. You are nowhere near your destination so please don’t feel like you come up short compared to others your age. Everyone has a journey that moves at a different speed.

    I admire your hard work ethic and all that you’ve done and all that you’re capable of. Love ya my girl and know that your #1 cheerleader over here will always be rooting you on even if you don’t post a single thing. I’ll miss your posts but unlike some of your readers I’ll still be able to enjoy your big personality and smile in person! 😀 😀 😀 xx

    • Reply Irina August 30, 2015 at 9:59 pm

      Love you so so much my C xxxxxx

  • Reply Nazmira August 27, 2015 at 12:44 pm

    Can’t wait to SEE YOU!!!

    • Reply Irina August 30, 2015 at 9:59 pm

      Much love to you friend! Xxx

  • Reply Olivia August 28, 2015 at 7:24 am

    And I was wondering why you’re so quiet. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Yes, life can get crazy sometimes and we can only do our personal best everyday. Just take each day as it comes, live your life the way YOU want, no great expectations from anyone. As long as you live each day as best you can, doing what you want to do, all falls into place in its own time.

  • Reply Nadia (@StGutterLily) August 28, 2015 at 10:16 am

    Hey, you 🙂 Know it’s hard to just sit back and relax when you are overwhelmed with anxiety, but a thing to keep in mind is that we all have different life journeys and paths to follow, and they won’t always coincide with society’s norms and expectations. I’m two years older than you, and trust me when I say I still freak out sometimes when I look at my peers and they’re married with bonds and kids on the way, and I’m in a new relationship and considering moving into a new rental AGAIN. At the end of the day you just have to be feel happy with where you are, and if not, with where you are headed. Good luck and I hope that you feel better!

  • Reply Sibahle August 28, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    Keep well Irina and never forget how much we love you as your readers 🙂 You are always there to Inspire and educate us. Your are really amazing.

  • Reply MAHRYSKA September 1, 2015 at 6:51 am

    oh sweetie…embrace the years that are to come. it is just a number. believe me. as you grow older, you appreciate life more. and yourself more. and honestly, i love myself more now rather than back when i was 25. live for the day. and set your goals. and continue the dream. so that when you do look back, you will know in your heart that life is good and does get better with age 🙂

  • Reply Kelley Petersen September 1, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Hello Irina. Thank you for this post. It illustrates that you are genuine and that you’re human! 🙂 What you are going through is not out of the ordinary. I experience anxiety attacks too (even though I am a psychology student, and people usually expect us to be such chilled individuals). And I am also a little panicky about what I am going with my life (I am 21). I suppose we all have to hit some bumps in the road now and again, but it means we are growing and maturing! 🙂 I admire you Irina. If I can accomplish what you’ve accomplished by the time I am 23, I will be over the moon. Keep being the beautiful person that you are. Find what makes you happy and don’t forget about self-care (meditating, or whatever it is you do to relax). I think I speak for all your readers when I say, we love your blog and we understand that you are also human! Thank you for not forgetting about us 🙂

  • Reply lunalacey September 1, 2015 at 7:00 pm

    Im lurking your blog here 😉 Just so you know, I’m 26 turning 27, and I feel like this everyday. Just also so you know, you’re a ridiculous inspiration to me and I think you’re a pretty rad person 😛 Do what makes you happy, anything else is unacceptable!

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